One Night Stand
Have you ever had a one night stand? Well, I’m proud to say that I have never done that. Why exactly Im proud of this, I don’t know, and I don’t know what that says about how prude I am (which I don’t think is the case) but anyway, I digress. No, I have never had a one night stand, but that wasn’t the case about 8 months ago.
I had just driven in from the desert to LA when my bff asked me to meet her for drinks with a new friend in town. First, I said, you can’t even imagine how hungover I am so I wont be drinking, but sure Ill stop by and say hello. I pulled straight up to the bar, hungover, no makeup, can’t remember if I had even showered that day, and met my bff, and her friend, aka my soon-to-be first one night stand.
It ALWAYS ends up being that the things you don’t plan, the things you don’t anticipate or build up to, end up being the most fun/wild/crazy. So needless to say, about seven drinks later (remember when I had said I was hungover and wasn’t going to drink?) the last thing I remember was standing on Main street in Santa Monica, outside of the third bar of the night. Next moment I’m coherent, I wake up in this guy’s hotel bed (he lived across the Atlantic), who I had just me about 14 hours before, and I start to panic. Flashbacks start replaying in my head, and its clear that this was a very mutual, fun, agreement. But my first one night stand?! How could I sleep with a guy with whom I wasn’t even Facebook friends with? To be fair, he was really nice and we had breakfast and walked around the pier for a bit, so it wasn’t a total awkward ‘k thanks goodbye’ kind of thing, like I had imagined from movies and T.V. shows. But for the rest of the day, and the next few days, I over thought it and wondered what my act said about my judgment and if I was spiraling down a path of self destruction . I know, so unnecessarily dramatic, and after a week I forgot about it and was only annoyed at having to add a name to my ‘list’.
Seven months later, I was sitting in a Michelin star restaurant in Rome, Italy, having an amazing dinner, an amazing bottle of wine, with a pretty fun date – my (former) one night stand. Now, would I ever in 1000 years have said, back on that confusing winter morning in Santa Monica, “I’ll see you in Rome in a few months”? And that’s not even mentioning that we had met in London about 2 months prior. So while we are in no way dating or have any sort of commitment, it’s a mutual understanding that we enjoy being around someone who is fun (and obviously there’s the sex but that’s implicit so why even go there), and probably the most appealing is the random, spontaneous, no expectations rendezvous, which if you really technically think about it, are like mini one night stands, except with more champagne and exotic backdrops.
But for this third Italian rendezvous, I had to really think about it. Well, I mean not really, because what girl would turn down a trip to one of the most romantic cities in the world? What was the problem? See, the London trip had been a no-brainer, I was already living in Paris, and I wanted to visit London anyway, and it would be fun to go with someone who actually lived there, and not to mention, I could erase the one night stand status - such beautiful logic. So I booked a train and pretty much had a crazy trip, where I tried cocaine for the first time and got a dose of the London members only life. But Rome…well that was, in all the wrong right words, too romantic. I had already achieved my objective: to clear my own conscious. Why take it a step further, if I wasn’t 100 percent sure I could not attach any emotion to it? Its one thing to party all night in London with a group of people, dancing and doing shots at the bar, but it’s a completely different atmosphere if it’s two people walking down the cobblestone streets of one of the most ancient cities in the world, having champagne in the rain and long dinners under the open air.
In fact, the dark truth is that I was beginning to fear that I lacked the capacity to be emotionally open with a guy. I hadn’t been in love in a long time. And this sort of behavior, with the no expectations, spur of the moment adventures only served to reinforce this fear that I could not emotionally connect. I mean didn’t I want to? But I already knew in my head that this sort of adventure didn’t mean anything more than it was, at that very moment, planned with no foresight whatsoever, no expectations, no anticipation. There was a beauty in that as well, because to be present in every single moment is to completely be yourself, having no time to think about what you should be or could be, and that leaves you, in a sense, vulnerable. But along those same lines, the point is to not get so caught up in your head and overthink things. I do that a lot, naturally as an introvert, which is why writing is good for me.
All this, at the very least, has been immensely helpful in learning about myself. I can’t just have sex to have sex, just not in me, however fun and exciting it is in that moment. At the same time, I don’t want my relationship with my future husband to be boring, I want it to be exciting and thrilling, spontaneous and adventurous, all the things that I experienced here, but with a lot more passion and emotional connection. Holding out for that complete package…